Just Don't
by writergirl97
Summary: Steph always has a way of pissing Edgar off.


**A/N: OCs are abundant, man. I'm tellin' yeah. Plus, really bad swearing. Beware!**

* * *

Steph's POV

"Edgar Bartholomew Frog, what do you think you are doing?" I snapped immediately, striding into the aisle where my best friend's beau was restocking the comic book supply.

Edgar barely glanced at me, but with satisfaction, I saw his body tense, and his jaw clench. "That is not my middle name, Red."

"And that's not my name, Ed." I snapped and then glanced down at Sarah and my boyfriend quietly sitting on the floor and discussing Batman. "Hey." I gently kicked them.

"Hey!" Sarah smiled, her chocolate eyes warming up at me, before returning to the current comic issue in her hands.

"Yo." Sam immediately jumped up and then dipped me so I was completely at his mercy. His steel eyes flashed and I couldn't help the grin that played on my face.

"Hey, you. What, no kiss?" After my little reply that got a chuckle out of Sarah, I was granted my request. I was so lucky to find a guy who wasn't _completely_ idiotic. Sam's lips massaged into mine, sending chills deep into my core, as if I had myself immersed into the ocean and then struck by lightning. I felt his silky tongue start to edge into my mouth when I heard an unwanted grunt occur and I was ripped away from my beloved. "Hey, assbutt, what gives!?" I shrieked.

"No PDA in my comic book shop, ka-peesh?" The vampire hunter hissed at me.

"Listen, I _know_ that you find my Sammy sexy, but there's no need to be rude." I said, matter-of-factly. Edgar, who had turned to continue to put the comics back in their places, paused and swiveled to stare at me with a dangerous look in his eye.

"That I find your Sammy _what?!_" He growled at me and I saw his hand inch toward where he kept his stake.

Faintly, I heard Sam say, "Yeah, okay, coolio, goodbye." And with a whitened face, he backed out of the aisle and ran screaming towards his home where he prayed he'd find his mommy. I noticed vaguely how Sarah just smirked and shook her head and went back to reading.

"Sexy, dammit. Look, we all know how you want to sex him up every chance you get. Don't think I don't notice that bulge in your pants every time you get in close proximity of that beautiful blonde. And let's not get started on that eye-fuck thing you and Alan've got goin' on."

Edgar stared at me dumbfounded. "Eye-_what-now?_"

"Eye-fuck. You know, when you look into his eyes and you just stare _longing_ and _smolderingly_. It's kinda hot, I must admit, but I think you, Alan and Kate would make an amazing three-some, just like me, Sarah and Sammy." At that, we glanced at Sarah to see her reaction. Me, to see if she'd agree and I'd finally get my life-long dream, and Edgar, probably to see my white ass get whooped. Surprisingly (and disappointingly on both parts) Sarah continued to stay into her comic, although I think I noticed a pink stain on her cheeks. Edgar and I turned back to one another.

"I am not gay, much to your displeasure. I'd say I'm sorry, but… I'm really, really not." The bandana wearing boy turned his back on me and the conversation, but I _so_ wasn't done with this bastard yet. So naturally, I followed him to behind the counter, leaving out Star-dressed friend in the dust.

"Listen, _Eddie_—" I started to say, when suddenly, he whirled on me and painfully slammed me into the wall. The shelves shuddered and I tried not to let the sudden tears from my eyes slip.

Edgar's hand tightened around my throat as he whispered, "Never _ever_ call me Eddie again, do you understand?" I managed a small yes, and he let me go. I sagged against the counter and when I managed to catch my breath and gain some composure, I opened up my clenched hand and then slapped my best friend's kinda-boyfriend with all of my possible strength.

I heard Sarah start moving. "Hey, is everything alright back there?"

"Yes." Edgar and I said at the same time, bodies and faces directioned at Sarah's disembodied voice, while our eyes stayed locked together in hatred. Fuck. I'm eye-fucking my fucking best friend's fucking boyfriend. Fuck.

"Oh… okay." I heard Sarah slide down the comic books and then a random _crash_ and an _oops!_ "_I'm okay!"_ Almost imperceptibly, I saw Edgar's mouth twitch up. And naturally, I had to be a bitch and take the bite. "Speaking of romance, Eddie-boy, let's not get me started on your little fling with the witch in aisle two." He glared at me, and I smirked. "No worries. I'm looking forward to tiny little Frog babies."

"_DON'T CALL ME EDDIE!"_


End file.
